<<<.0.>>>

2010-09-29T14:09:00.001-05:00

2010-09-29T02:18:00.000-05:00

2010-09-27T10:10:00.000-05:00

2010-08-10T01:45:00.000-05:00

.crazy about fruits.

2010-08-08T10:28:00.002-05:00

.katy perry.

2010-08-05T12:47:00.002-05:00

.work in progress.

2010-08-02T12:30:00.004-05:00

Started off with this...
....kinda sad, kinda pathetic.

Then on to this...

Then to this...

....then this.

then finally....
....we got this.

.Hirst love.

2010-05-20T08:32:00.005-05:00

.inspiration.

.every morning should be like this.

2010-04-04T08:58:00.001-05:00

" You seem the same as always, and being you, hate every minute of it. Don’t! Learn to say “Fuck You” to the world once in a while. You have every right to. Just stop thinking, worrying, looking over your shoulder wondering, doubting, fearing, hurting, hoping for some easy way out, struggling, grasping, confusing, itchin, scratching, mumbling, bumbling, grumbling, humbling, stumbling, numbling, rumbling, gambling, tumbling, scumbling, scrambling, hitching, hatching, bitching, moaning, groaning, honing, boning, horse-shitting, hair-splitting, nit-picking, piss-trickling, nose sticking, ass-gouging, eyeball-poking, finger-pointing, alleyway-sneaking, long waiting, small stepping, evil-eyeing, back-scratching, searching, perching, besmirching, grinding, grinding, grinding away at yourself. Stop it and just DO!"

- Sol LeWitt

We could all use a friend like this or a friend who sends you something like this.

.lonely girl.

2010-03-23T11:36:00.001-05:00

.the love series.

2010-03-12T03:29:00.002-06:00

2010-03-07T10:24:00.000-06:00

2010-01-08T03:22:00.001-06:00

I will not end up a highly talented, savvy, failed mediocrity
I will not end up a highly talented, savvy, failed mediocrity.
I will not end up a highly talented, savvy, failed mediocrity.

2009-12-20T00:17:00.002-06:00

.<<0>>.

2009-11-26T13:12:00.001-06:00

" The thing about depression is, once you let yourself feel it, it gets boring really fast." - six feet under.

.twilight hour.

2009-11-22T20:30:00.001-06:00

.i dont need love, ive got my b.

2009-11-18T22:28:00.002-06:00

the pain, the pain.

2009-11-17T17:00:00.002-06:00

.<<0>>.

2009-10-28T15:32:00.002-05:00

.raindrops keep falling on my head.

2009-10-23T19:18:00.003-05:00

(<.>)

2009-10-23T00:19:00.002-05:00

the idea strikes back.

.Creativity has a lonely childhood.

2009-09-28T23:01:00.001-05:00

In an attempt to get from point A to point B as creatively as possible, I’ve been reading a lot more than usual lately. I’ve been so desperate for some sort of an inspiration, the kind that will not only brighten my mind but also encourage me to become better than I was yesterday.

This guy I know in Chicago, he’s a musician, although I would rather call him an artist. He wrote a note today about how he recently went through all his work dated back to 1995. He’s made over 3,000 songs and has yet to send a tape to a record company. He said he went back and looked through them as if they were photographs of memories he has of people that have came and went in his life. But most of all, what he saw was himself.

The biggest challenge, I feel, when it comes to a great creative idea is that the only way you can come up with it is if you are completely free from what other people will think of it. Your idea is yours, it’s your own experience, that’s not a challenge. The challenge lies in the test of whether or not you can somehow then connect this idea to the rest of the world; if you can make people move with one single concept.

Now, here’s a guy who did it all for himself, he manages to make people move with music that doesn’t even need lyrics to feel, not only that, he actually has the passion and stamina to keep at it for 14 years. Yet, he oozes with loneliness.

At the end of the note, he said that he always ask people that if they could listen to one artist for the rest of their lives, who would they pick. (Although, I was the first person who asked him this a few years back) My answer back then was Godspeed you black emperor, today, I think it would be his music. Why? Simple. It reminds me of what I admire and aspire to be in a creative person. The bravery to solely listen to your own instinct and still manages to come out with something that connect with people and above all, the stamina to keep it going and going.

Thank you for the inspiration. Good night.

.nine to five.

2009-09-17T23:58:00.001-05:00

.memory lanes.

2009-09-12T12:24:00.004-05:00

inspiration inspires me.

.Welcome To The Neighborhood.

2009-09-08T20:13:00.002-05:00

. partying down, Thai style circa 1970's.

2009-07-02T21:17:00.003-05:00

.my long lost friend.

2009-06-21T14:59:00.001-05:00

i miss us at art museums....

.When an old book is new again.

2009-06-18T21:56:00.001-05:00

"Wherever I sat — on the deck of a ship or at a street café in Paris or Bangkok —
I would be sitting under the same glass bell jar, stewing in my own sour air." - Sylvia Plath

. เดินก้มหน้า .

2009-06-18T20:59:00.002-05:00

.Yesterday in Black & White.

2009-06-16T01:46:00.002-05:00

.Skylines & Sentiment Part 2.

2009-06-03T19:50:00.002-05:00

. skylines and sentiment.

2009-05-27T15:54:00.002-05:00

. (oOo) .

2009-05-23T20:26:00.002-05:00

That one night I got stood up

. (oOo) .

2009-05-21T01:04:00.002-05:00

. (oOo) .

2009-05-20T18:57:00.003-05:00

All dressed up and nowhere to go.

. (oOo) .

2009-05-18T23:40:00.001-05:00

“If I hold back, I'm no good...I'd rather be good sometimes,
than holding back all the time.” - Janis Joplin

. ( oOo ) .

2009-05-18T03:33:00.004-05:00

I've been in love with you since the 10th grade

. i dont read enough these days.

2009-05-17T19:08:00.002-05:00

. agony.

2009-05-13T23:06:00.002-05:00

. after 21 days.

2009-05-12T21:50:00.002-05:00

I miss you a little already...

. tiresome.

2009-05-05T00:05:00.003-05:00

. I <3 shoes.

2009-05-03T02:32:00.010-05:00

(o0o)

2009-05-03T02:07:00.002-05:00

"เขาพูดกันว่า คนที่ชอบไปทะเล
ไม่หนีร้อน ก็หนีรัก
เธอหนีอะไรมา?"

.my wiggly toes.

2009-04-28T00:27:00.003-05:00

..::0O0::..

2009-04-28T00:10:00.005-05:00

losing sleep in NYC

.().

2009-04-22T18:50:00.001-05:00

scary and irrational it is indeed.

(o0o)

2009-04-19T10:13:00.006-05:00

i dont even think the word bad-ass would even begin
to cover it when it comes to my new ring.

. My new favorite Japanese.

2009-04-15T13:44:00.002-05:00

Euphoria : White Pattern
Mogwai, with a sensitive side.

A really big sensitive side.

. the world is full of silly love songs.

2009-04-14T06:39:00.008-05:00

.<[00]>.

2009-04-09T12:44:00.004-05:00

. Random thought.

2009-04-09T08:25:00.003-05:00

VS.

[o0o]

2009-04-05T09:59:00.002-05:00

"People drain me, even the closest of friends, and I find loneliness to be the best state in the union to live in." - Margaret Cho

. nostalgic afternoon.

2009-04-02T12:47:00.003-05:00

i clicked my heels 3 times and said...

There's no place like home
There's no place like home
There's no place like home

.the ultimate battle.

2009-03-31T12:17:00.003-05:00

which one will I go with this time?

. Blonde Redhead.

2009-03-12T22:19:00.002-05:00

i think we were lonely together once.

. staring.

2009-02-26T16:45:00.001-06:00

The world is falling apart as I stare and stare.

. 'tis the day.

2009-02-14T15:08:00.001-06:00

.Happy Valentine's Day.

. this ship is sinking.

2009-02-12T17:15:00.006-06:00

" chemical displaced, there's no lonelier state, lying in this bed."

. we get on.

2009-02-10T20:53:00.005-06:00

found this in an old sketchbook today. I think it was from the last break-up. It was from this Kate Nash song about how she's in love with this guy but then she saw him with another girl at a party. She locked herself in the bathroom crying while her girlfriends tell her that she could do much better ( which never helps, by the way, when you are drunk, staring at the boy you like with a trampy girl instead of the trampy you)

fun times.

.a mixtape for the melanchony.

2009-02-10T19:48:00.005-06:00

" This is totally gay, but I think this is our song."

.scary moment.

2009-02-05T00:55:00.002-06:00

.one thing leads to another.

2009-02-03T21:12:00.003-06:00

. natural born loser.

2009-01-19T21:14:00.001-06:00

.No one belongs here more than you.

2008-12-26T21:11:00.002-06:00

" People tend to stick to their own size group because it's easier on the neck. Unless they are romantically involved, in which case the size difference is sexy. It means: I am willing to go the distance for you." - Miranda July

. 808's & Heartbreak.

2008-12-14T01:44:00.004-06:00

without you im just me.

. here and there.

2008-12-10T02:33:00.002-06:00

...everywhere.

. Universal Mind Control.

2008-12-09T20:35:00.004-06:00

Got the new Common album today and it has definitely been on repeat.
Not as dark and mysterious as Finding Forever and Common himself is definitely not a hobo anymore.
With Kanye and The Neptunes, it's more hipster hop than hip hop.
However, despite the risk-taking, it's still dance-able, society-conscious and strangely sexy.

.3:30 am.

2008-12-07T02:26:00.001-06:00

it's official.
You are my lover and my friend.
thanks for brightening it up.

.6:44 pm.

2008-11-30T17:40:00.001-06:00

2008-11-25T18:55:00.006-06:00

" it helps me remember... and I need to remember... Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world..."

. the complex.

2008-11-23T14:08:00.006-06:00

.love it.

2008-11-22T13:25:00.000-06:00

" Will I regret it someday? I don’t know, but I’m not going to deny myself this pleasure today because of what I don’t know in the future." - Marc Jacobs

2008-11-21T00:49:00.005-06:00

.sexual healing.

2008-11-20T21:59:00.009-06:00

.มันเป็นเพราะว่า....

2008-11-17T22:58:00.005-06:00

2008-10-23T16:18:00.004-05:00

I’ve been seeing stars for a few days. I felt like I needed to work on some eye-hand coordination to where it was. Then I discovered it, an opened figure drawing session out in Park Slope.

For 8 dollars, you get to sit in this laid-back studio with about 10 other people for two and a half hours with a nude model. No one is telling you how to draw; you don’t have to talk to anyone if you don’t want to. And did I mention wine?

Too good to be true? It’s not.

It felt good. It felt right, unlike everything else in my life. For those two and a half hours, I’ve gained a part of myself back.

…And it’s fantastic to know I’m still here.

www.madarts.org

. Discovering music: Lali Puna.

2008-10-22T15:29:00.002-05:00

" It's not the worst I've ever looked, it's just the most I've ever cared"

. battle wounds.

2008-10-19T15:18:00.001-05:00

My dad and I always play this game. It’s the game where one of us would say movie quotes and the other one has to guess what movie that came from. He always uses this quote, even though I’ve guessed it right many many times.

“ Why do we fall down, Bruce?” He would say with a serious face.

“ So we could learn to pick ourselves back up! Batman Begins.” I would say with confidence and enthusiasm, just ‘cause I like to be right.
My dad and Mr. Wayne just happen to have the same principles.

Since I fall a lot, it seems like I’m in a perpetual state of picking myself back up. And I’m alright with that. I’ve become quite good at it actually. However, when I fall really hard though, I still haven’t quite figured out if I have the timeframe that I need in picking myself back up.

.Spiderwebs.

2008-10-07T14:05:00.003-05:00

It’s amazing to think about how unnecessary drama tends to follow you everywhere. It doesn’t matter if you move cities or countries. I blame the Internet mostly. It’s the land where the lines are blurred, not to mention that majority of it is passive-aggressiveness. And with just a few harmless clicks, you get to enter somebody’s personal information; who they are hanging out with, what kinds of music or movies they are into now, pictures of their recent roadtrip, so on and so fourth, and before you could even say sign out, it’s boarder-line stalkerism.

I also blame the human nature to talk about other people. Don’t get me wrong, I do it too. To think about the secrets and scandalous stories that is being passed around like tampons in the girls’ bathroom. It’s like a tub of Half Baked ice cream from Ben & Jerry’s, it’s so good that you KNOW it has to be fattening. The newsstands full of tabloids are a strong enough evidence of this very fact.

However, as much fun as it is, when does it ever end? When does the line ever get drawn between being completely driven crazy and being adorably neurotic? Where do you put the line between the little social interactions that people get into and having it straight up ruin a relationship?

I’m taking a minor “emotional embargo” at the moment, mainly because I’m done and I need to take care of myself. It’s like the moment you realize at an-all-you-can-eat buffet that you’ve eaten so fast, you didn’t even notice that you were actually full about 30 minutes ago.

Please leave your message after the beep.

.tiny word, big concept.

2008-10-01T17:18:00.001-05:00

.Gap's Apartment.

2008-09-29T12:32:00.004-05:00

My apartment has cockroaches living in it. I’m from a Third World country and I’ve never lived with this many. It makes me feel like I’ve become such a dirty slob, like Joe in Joe’s Apartment. I watched that movie right before I moved to NYC; I should have seen this one coming.

I found a baby cockroach today in one of the drawers in the kitchen. I got a piece of paper towel, softly grabbed the roach with it. I wanted to put the baby roach outside my window, so it’s out of my face but close enough for it to run back and find its parents.

I feel like I’m the faceless human in one of those Pixar films. Think about it, the baby roach is like Nemo, got taken out from its home by this huge faceless force (me) and has to spend the next hour and a half finding its way back.

However, when I tried to open the screen window, it’s stuck. Then I think, “shit. What the fuck, I’m holding a fucking cockroach wrapped in a cheap 79 cents paper towel, that’s fucking disgusting. “. I closed my eyes tight and pressed my thumb and index fingers together, resulting in the excruciatingly painful death of the baby cockroach. I mean, seriously, imagine being squashed up to death by cheap paper towel.

.rediscovering & decompressing.

2008-09-17T18:18:00.006-05:00

Keeping my hands and eyes busy long enough to stop having minor neurotic arguments with myself.

. planes, trains and automobile.

2008-09-11T13:18:00.002-05:00

Good bye Thailand.
Hopefully I could follow my feet back here again soon.
Afterall, you will always be my home.

. This modern love wastes me.

2008-09-03T02:49:00.003-05:00

So I gave in and got myself a black MacBook today…

.introducing.

2008-08-30T22:20:00.004-05:00

My new camera.
Nikon D70.
Everything old is new again.
With my camera I will shoot you, me and

everything else in between.

. Miss Halfway and her reluctant lover.

2008-08-28T09:27:00.007-05:00

"Have fun in the city. I’ll see you.”

Said the man who’s been my lover before he walked out of my sight into the train station. It was my last night in the city I was happy to leave; it was our last kiss, our last lovelorn looks. I held him so tightly without saying a word but I think he might have heard it. My heart, I think it was beating too loud for my own good that night.

We gave each other a smile and that was it.

Because, you know, we’re mature, realistic people.

I remember this one night when I was sitting in his living room, tracing my eyes on him as if I had a pencil and he was my subject. He sits there in his underwear, with his guitar, singing a song about an old love who couldn’t keep him for long. Some people would see a red flag; all I saw was an inclination that I would continue to desire him.

I guess that’s me. The more tragic the better.

I wonder if it was just good chemistry; I wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t left; I wonder if what we had was tangible, accountable, even. I wonder why I’m still wondering. I wonder if he wonders....

In the end, I’m a sensible, practical kind of girl. So I continue to be just as quiet when I’m away from him as I was when I first met him.

Of course I have fantasies of my romantic notions working out in my favor.

I wish my love life would be like a Wong Kar Wai movie; so romantic and sensual that everything has to move in slow motion, filled with pretty colors and even prettier things being said. Instead I find myself being eternally stuck in a Woody Allen movie; jokes so cruel you don’t know whether to laugh or to cry, filled with miseries and cynicism and of course, it all ends way too quickly.

However, I do get the feeling my luck might be changing...

. bullet proof...i wish she was.

2008-08-28T09:15:00.006-05:00

. hello little boys, little toys.

2008-06-19T22:54:00.008-05:00

“For all the time that we spend on boys, we could have become Astrophysicists!” My roommate proclaims. Both having graduated with art degrees, I was a little perplexed.

I was in all-girl-schools from kindergarten up until the end of middle school, so I know a little bit about life without boys. I think back to the old days when boys weren’t a part of my environment. I was a pudgy anime geek who wore a retainer. I sat at the same table every lunch break with my equally geeky friends drawing comic books, obsessing about the new Limited Edition of Sailor Moon comics. It sounds unappealing now, but back then, I couldn’t have been happier. I also remember living in a boarding school, about thirteen years old, sleeping in the same room with six other girls and never talking about boys, unless they were coming from pages of Sugar magazines. Even then, I was so naive I didn’t really know what exactly I was supposed to swoon over.

Boys? What do they do?

Then the world shifted, I entered co-education.

Boys were everywhere. Suddenly, there were all these…creatures, running around with their crackling voices and they were looking at me funny. I didn’t know how I was supposed to feel about it. It seemed like my parents had overlooked the fact that I have been living on a completely different planet since I was 6 years old. Something told me I was supposed to look into it though, I mean, all the other girls were, the impressionable 14-year-old me couldn’t possibly help it.

I started having many unsuccessful crushes, mainly because I was awkward as hell and just pathetically hopeless. Then I started to obsess, about everything concerning boys and much less about everything else. The one thing that was never part of my life before became the only thing that existed. I became more and more of a boy-crazy wreck. The questions that I first proposed to myself went unanswered. It just changed from “what do they do?” to “how could I get one?”, like it was some kind of urgency for me to get boys to like me. At the time I didn’t know a lot, but I was sure about one thing: no boys like pudgy anime geeks. I had to make a change.

So, from unsuccessful crushes came unsuccessful relationships. I have on occasions lost sight of who I am, what I want and what I really need through the trails and errors of my relationships with boys. No one said it was ever going to be easy, so I never underestimated anything. I daydream about the 13-year-old me sometimes though; I guess I just miss my innocence, no matter how unrealistic it was to think that boys are never going to matter. But I’m happy to say that in ten years since the whole co-ed fiasco, I have proposed a new question to myself: what exactly am I looking for in them? I don’t think that I know exactly what it is just yet, being a late bloomer and all. However, after all the times I’ve put on lip-gloss for it, I have to hope that I’m getting closer.

I do have to give boys some credits, even after all the sleepless nights, painful obsessions and pleasure; through discovering them, I have also discovered me. Hopefully, it might even help me figure out what kind of a woman I am and wanting to be. From my first date at 15 to the last text message I received from a cute boy just a little over an hour ago, the giddiness stayed the same, however, something else has changed in me.

I have now happily embraced the anime geek that still lives and fantasize stories about fierce female superheroes. I have managed to make my way back to being who I originally was: the geek, just with a cuter outfit this time.

.unsent.

2008-06-13T01:17:00.010-05:00

Found a couple of drawings done by an ex-boyfriend today, quietly hidden away in a shelf of crap I never look at, I suspect that it was tucked away by him. The lines are raw and so very real. I’m a drawer myself; I find that you can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle pencil on paper. From what I can tell, he’s complicated, passionate with just a dash of playful immaturity. I’ve always loved the way he handles his lines, among other things.

In the corner, there’s a text complaining about my snoring, scribbled carelessly with color markers, exclamation points and everything. I could see him now, sitting with a cigarette in my favorite rocking chair, hovering over this little piece of paper, utilizing my art supplies. I imagine him feeling suffocated in a room that he wasn’t used to yet, sharing this vacant full- size-bed with the girl who snores way to0 loud.

Suddenly, I feel lonely and, dare I say, a little relieved.

Lonely at the fact that he would never share this bed with my eyes trustfully closed again and out of nowhere, the bed seems even emptier. However, before I resign myself to the idea that I might be shit out of luck, I realized that this bed is anything but vacant.

It has me to fill it.